REPROGRAMMED!
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always bitten my nails. I know it’s a nasty habit, but it’s something I’ve done compulsively since I was a child. I’ve tried a number of times to stop, but I’ve always just unconsciously chewed ‘em off while watching TV. I had accepted that this would be my lot in life.
So you can imagine my surprise when I was hanging with my mom and she looked at my hands and said “My! Your fingernails are awfully long.” You can imagine the even greater surprise when I looked down at my hands and saw this:
Good lord, those are ENORMOUS! For hours, I sat wondering how this had happened. How can a man who has bitten off his fingernails for as long as he’s had teeth suddenly up and stop without even making an effort? Was there some sort of blunt head trauma? Perhaps aliens came down and fiddled around in my head! For fuck’s sake, I even broke a nail.
Is that what a broken nail is? I don’t even know, because IT’S NEVER BEEN AN OPTION FOR ME BEFORE. Ladies and gentlemen, WTF IS GOING ON HERE!?
